2020 Santa’s diary entries
My 4 Stages of life:
🎅🏼 I believe in Santa
🎅🏼 I don’t believe in Santa
🎅🏼 I look like Santa
🎅🏼 I am Santa
My annual daily Santa diary of events 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰
This year, despite major events, I’ve undertaken to give my friends an unedited, no holds barred glimpse into my crazy month ahead of joy, exploits, travails and antics, as I prepare for my big night.
Be warned, it starts out badly, but of course has a happy ending.
- Re-planning Dec 25 due to 2020 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰
Apprehensively looking back at 2020’s uncontrolled coronavirus; floods; hurricanes; USA lack of gun control; plagues of locusts; earthquakes; India vs China conflict; ice storms; anti-vaxxers; unemployment; lockdown rioting; USA racism; BREXIT madness; Calabasas helicopter crash; USA COVID-19 death toll; assassinations; Australian bushfires; tornados; conspiracy theorists; Tokyo Olympics cancellation; bankruptcy; immigration detentions; hail storms; covidiot protesting; California wildfires; Presidential election nightmare and general USA distress.Despite Melania’s hatred of things happy this season, I am determined to do my best to drop presents from my sleigh at a socially distant height to homes over much of the USA, and WILL endeavor to continue to deliver personally in the rest of the world as usual.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- A gift from Chief Elf DJ of my 2020 portrait 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Sadly, it seems that the artist captured an appropriate likeness of me for 2020. Hung by the chimney with care, takes on a more literal meaning this year. Goal for 2021: less solo drinking in my workshop — the soft toys wreak of scotch and nicotine lately.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- The elves prepared quick briefing notes on preventable, seemingly uncontrolled COVID-19 super-spreading in the USA 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ I don’t understand this strange cultural thing where so few, can wreak deadly havoc on so many, within the once great United States. In many countries in 2020 this exact behavior is now a criminal act. Bolstering insane conspiracy theories, encouraging anti-vaxxers, anti-science and anti-logic creating anti-maskers.Here at the North Pole and surrounds, we believe in human values of kindness, compassion and most of all, commonsense. Let this concept spread!❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Testing mask choices of velvet, N95 + goggles or shield? 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰I don’t want to frighten the kiddies, but safety for all first. Maybe I can have the elves whip a magical invisible mask like many in the USA seem to use these days….❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Shocked! Naughty Chief Elf DJ caught red handed 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ I was shocked, SHOCKED I say, to today find my long-term trusty Chief Elf DJ squirreled away in my closet trying on my clothes. Is this the beginning of a coup d’é·tat? Action must be taken, but do I deal with this gross insubordination now, or wait for after Dec 25?❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Considering which USA places to avoid (mainly the red belt) 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This is a challenge this year, skipping the deadly zones while still trying to reach the good folks unfortunately stuck in the centre of the red areas.OPTIONS:❆ Drop the pressies down the chimneys overhead from the sleigh?
❅ Use the bad elves to deliver in those places?
❆ Send crazy Blitzen on a solo?
❅ Subcontract with Amazon?
❆ Wear head-to-toe PPE equipment?
❅ Use remote control drones? (see assessment 👉🏻)
❆ Study physics to establish a suitable algorithm?
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- Racing to the vet to to sort out Rudy’s weird drippings 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Poor Rudy, must be old age, but his fur lately is loosing its color and the dripping has become more pronounced. At least his nose is not affected. Hope the vet can prescribe some medicine to fix the leak.P.S. UPDATE: The vet said it’s fixable, but I need to go too Walmart to have the prescription filled accordingly. Planning that later today.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Popped into Walmart for Rudy’s prescription, and some milk — got a promotional deal 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ My workshop doesn’t make these, but obtaining in certain places in the ‘good olde’ USA is easy — often enticing purchase with special discounts while shopping for milk or just filling a prescription. Hangover from the Black Friday special, free 100 rounds of ammo with every Colt M4A1 sold.I’m want to buy ALL of them and send them to the North Pole for the elves to melt them down in the ice forest to reincarnate as dinky toy cars. Likely futile since Walmart, with deeper pockets than me, will just re-order more.At least I have Rudy’s anti-drip medicine to start him on, and I can protect it well on my route back home up north.
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- I chose the punishment for Chief Elf’s DJ subordination yesterday 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Out of my closet and back into his uniform, and a friendly gentle loving tap on his derrière was the punishment of the day. As Chief Elf, I’ve upgraded his uniform to utilize one of my old hats. I’m clearly just a gentle old softy.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Pondering how to urgently free my children 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ If we can do it prior to January 20, all the better for all. I understand there is a huge number of kids in cages on the southern border too. How did the world get to this?My long held belief is a border free world, a time to rethink these man-made hand-drawn borders from 1000’s of years ago, created before the advent of easy travel and global economies. It’s a new world, and while preserving localized cultures, land borders should vanish.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Adding lots & lots & lots of politicians to the naughty list 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Pretty much every “poli” on the face of the earth except the global world leaders like Jacinda Arden (New Zealand), Angela Merkel (Germany), Katrin Jakobsdottir (Iceland), Sanna Marin (Finland), Tsai Ing-wen (Taiwan), Erna Solberg (Norway) and Mette Frederiksen (Denmark).What’s in common here? Women! Mother Earth needs more female leadership.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Tonights Viewing: The Xmas classic STUDIO 54 (1998) with my twin Ryan Phillippe cleverly cast as yours truly 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This seasonal holiday & endearing classic is set in 1970s New York City, where Santa is the epicenter of sex, drugs and disco. Here Santa (played by my look-a-like) makes his big-city dreams come true. A cherished and exquisite biography of me.Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairyest of the all?❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Re-working physics due to major issues in the USA 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This year the quantum algorithms are even more complicated – not only time vs. speed vs. velocity vs. orbital distance vs. resistance vs. drag vs. weight vs. energy absorption, but now also trumped by avoidance of the giant petrie dish.
https://tobysimkin.com/santa-physics/Good thing most countries have deemed my effort as essential worker, and waived the quarantine requirement for me this year.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Adjusting budgets accordingly 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ As a result of increasing costs and lack of Santa show ticket sales and Santa shopping mall promotional income this year, drastic budget cuts were necessary in order to yield the results of the physics outputs earlier (see entry #13) and the drone gift distribution planning for the USA (see entry #6) .
https://tobysimkin.com/santa-budget/Need Income. Think of the kiddies…. If you want Santa to endorse your product/service, for a modest fee, call toll free at 1-800-SANTA-NOW for a no obligation free quote.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Prepping a tan for summer down under 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ With the hard hitting budget cuts (see previous entry), I can’t afford my holiday to the lovely frozen tundra of Canada… (or even the shirt on my back) so I’m taking advantage of a glorious sunny winter day here at 90° north with some sun, a hot tub and cocktails as I prep for my Southern Hemisphere summer run.Just hope my old chimney holds up.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Taking needy Rudy for a needed trot 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ TIME FOR COMPASSION — the good news, he’s recovered! Seems the placebo sugar pills worked. Rudy’s fur has stopped dripping. (See entries #7 & #8) The bad news is I caught Rudy blowing some bucks in Vegas.Clearly I need to tighten the reigns on this vagabond. #NeedyNaughtyRudy
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- HR recruitment for new helpers 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ There is something about cold winter nights that make for lots of applicants seeking warm positions within jolly surroundings. But while long-term training will be a challenge, the short term urgent needs for 2020 will be fulfilled.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Supplemental endorsement income to pay for new staff 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Turns out the new staff (see entry #17) are needy and expensive, while we are already in an economic crisis in the North Pole, new forms of income are necessary. SO, creative sponsorship and product placement was the solution.Thanks to my earlier appeal using 1-800-SANTA-NOW (see entry #14), this wonderful fag-blowing opportunity became reality. Thanks LUCKY STRIKE!❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- A hot mess of a dress rehearsal for the big show 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ The stage show opens tomorrow in Australasia, but today’s rehearsal was a disaster. The sequined all-male pixies gave my (ex) lighting director ‘special service’ to increase intensity of their lighting & tried to upstage me, and the bad drag cooking nutter kept moving into my spotlight and spilt his tea on my boots. Appalling. The stage manager was high on ‘yuletide cheer’ and my dresser spent more time in the flys with the riggers than with me.I think it calls for a last minute casting change with some of my global mall Santas replacing these overacting terrible pixies that should be fed to Krampus.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Adding friends to the nice list 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Many know who you are, but generally, all those with any form of commonsense, compassion for the human race and fervent desire to think “we” instead of “me” go to the top of my nice list this year. Anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, covidiots, conspiracy promulgators and other ridiculously and dangerous stupid people don’t bother checking ANY of the lists, life is too short to even waste time writing their names. These idiots are not nice, or even naughty, just insane.
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- Live show opening night (not in the USA) 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Opening in many theatres now at 100% ticket buyer occupancy. Since my casting replacements of the drag pixies from the terrible dress rehearsal (see entry #19), It’s now a sparkling bauble of a super show with tight choreo.This gorgeous extravaganza is playing only in Australasia, East Asia, Africa, South America, UK/Europe and Scandinavia simultaneously since each, in their own way, are returning to normal, and using this season to celebrate coming close to the pointy end.Since my show is LIVE theatre, it WILL NOT be streaming.
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- Trial Run ~ Planning a quick trip to visit friends and check local conditions before the big day 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ My route is designed to follow time zones around the globe, to check in with friends in major areas around the globe. Will I be visiting you in the coming days?❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ The magical musical powers of my favorite xmas Frankie Valli doll is effective in warding off Riff Raff backstage with Kristian in Christchurch, New Zealand 🇳🇿 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Kristian stars as Frankie Valli in Jersey Boys now playing at the Court Theatre until January 23, 2021 to nearly sold out audiences. Kristian is known for playing Riff Raff in The Rocky Horror Show internationally for over 10 years & holds the world record as the actor with the most performances in the show’s 47-year history.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Scuba cave diving with Claire near Melbourne 🇦🇺 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Enjoying the safest place on earth these days, underwater, in head-to-toe protective neoprene, with goggles, dedicated oxygen through a tight fitting mask with extended family member Claire Cooper. #aWholeNewWorld❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Tim recycling his flying machine sleighing it down under just prior to Hanukkah sunset 🇦🇺 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ In a Shittty 2020 it’s great to fly in Chitty, but even better to see my longtime favorite & fabulous vagabond Tim Lawson at the helm again as live theatre re-opens to its full glory.Just a few in Sydney… Pippin | Frozen | Magic Mike | RENT | Fangirls | HMS Pinafore | Rapture | Hamilton | Fun Home | Come From Away | The Wedding Singer | Hedwig and the Angry Inch | plus opera, symphony, ballet and drama. So much excitement. Now playing… https://aussietheatre.com.auOh and to those that celebrate, Hanukkah Sameach! Sending love your way during the Festival of Lights! 🕎
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- Trial Run ~ Enjoying the magic of a live stage show at 100% occupancy in Brisbane with Paul, Gregory & Kristin 🇦🇺 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ CONGRATULATIONS QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA — On November 14, the Queensland Premier was the FIRST to announce that theatres can return to 100% occupancy… leading the world in bounce-back! So proud of my many near lifelong theatre family here, showcasing what basic commonsense and a scientific-based “we” mentality amongst its people can achieve together.Chocka-block, back-to-back big musical shows playing throughout Brisbane. The Producers; Once On This Island; A Christmas Carol; Come From Away; Shrek; Alice In Wonderland etc… plus opera, symphony, ballet and drama.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Spreading Bali cheer with Broadway’s Foster twins 🇮🇩 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Famed Broadway Stage Manager (and his existential twin) who later sailed the world dipping his magic touch in every port has settled down in warm coastal Bali, where his pace of life balances perfectly with quality. A joyous time spreading cheer had by all, particularly his flock of local kiddies who call him ‘daddy’.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Quick Singapore Swim with Andy 🇸🇬 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Singapore Swim at the Marina Bay Sands rooftop followed by a Singapore Sling at filled-to-the-brim Dorothy’s bar (Friday night!!!) with not-so-innocent Andy and grounded husband Rob. Alas, not enough minutes to visit their recently purchased swanky new pleasure palace since I have a date with a beach bitch in a few hours on a tiny island to the North East.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ In Philippines for quick swim on Boracay with JC 🇵🇭 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ A magical beach on a magical island on the edge of a magical sea, in a magical province at the centre of not so magical country with a truly magical man. A lovely magical visit to catch up with a long-time friend.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Checking toy supply chain in Taiwan with Shocann 🇹🇼 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Virus? What Virus? This special island led by a a brilliant female leader, avoided the vast majority of what the rest of the world experienced, through compassion and collective commonsense. As a result, much of my toy supply chain has been re-located here, and managed by #1 Tibetan mantra singer/songwriter and China pop idol sensation Shocann.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Seeing how China solved the COVID-19 problems 🇨🇳 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ NAYSAYER ALERT: despite what you may have heard overseas, the proof to response and timeline is chronicled in my own dated posts on facebook since January 2020. “we” works. Top down leadership encouraging with a serious, yet compassionate approach supporting commitment in January/February from 1.4 billion residents to self isolation, masks, contact tracing etc …etc… all but eliminated within the borders — one concerted national effort, irrespective of political, cultural or religious beliefs, Chinese and foreign, neighbor helping neighbor, resulted in ~85% reopening which began in June 2020.“me” fails. Now the focus is keeping COVID-19 away from it’s borders with mandated quarantines for those stupid enough to fly inbound.
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- Trial Run ~ Namasleigh Yoga with Sinon in Myanmar 🇲🇲 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Filipino warm-hearted philanthropic king of the catwalk Sinon, now based in Myanmar, gives a quick tour of his Yangon city, and gifts me with the latest copy of VOGUE magazine.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Getting wet with พิรุณ Pu Chong in Pattaya, Thailand 🇹🇭 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ One of the most kind, honest and good willed men in Thailand, Pu Chong knows how to work hard and play sensibly. A rarity in Thailand, and a joy to call my friend.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Taking a moment of majestic delight near Swaziland between family homes 🇸🇿 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Too many family members scattered between South Africa and Swaziland/Eswatini to see on this trip, so instead, a little visit with the animals next door at Kruger National Park.My take-a-way: humans are the giant letdown in the superb animal kingdom.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- TREACHERY! Roguish tickle-brained miscreant of Chief Elf DJ at 90°N is still in raging denial 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ I had to cut my African safari short to deal with this frustrating winter of discontent & sabotage. Egotistical Chief Elf DJ disputing results of everything, refusing to do any work, disrupting slightly less than half of the lemmings elves in insanity resulting in 90°N being less equal, more divided, more alone, swampier, dirtier, meaner, sicker and deader.I have a plan in place, but frustratingly need to keep him around for tad longer. Back to Africa shortly.PS.. Madness I tell you, sheer madness! Here is a screenshot of my impertinent rump-fed hugger-mugger Chief Elf in my workshop causing chaos and wreaking havoc on hundreds of years of Xmas tradition
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- Trial Run ~ Catching a fun in-flight movie enroute back south 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ If it were 2015, my feelings may be very different, since not a memorable song or lyric in for me… BUT, In this depressing & sad year, how fabulous to enjoy a joyful kaleidoscope of heart, humor, love & acceptance. It’s just what’s needed right now! Mushy, fast paced color & movement which of course I adored.I don’t understand the casting criticism or comparison to the stage version (a different medium entirely) — this movie with a rounded starry cast will bring new audiences to live theatre. It was exactly what we needed right now.And I want the PTA chairpersons jacket from the final scene!
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- Trial Run ~ Smoking hookah in Cairo with Hamdy 🇪🇬 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Enjoying local life with Cairo’s real man Hamdy, who is possibly the nicest, most compassionate and considerate family man in all Egypt. Meet him and he becomes a lifelong friend. To him, life is what you make of it. The world needs more Hamdy’s.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Arrived in Central Europe. Finally able to rid the world of those terrible drag pixies in fighting off Krampus 🇪🇺 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Those damned upstaging drag pixies from the rehearsal of my stage show (see entry #19) finally have a use. The elves whipped up a drag pixie shooter for me, and I blasted the alpine legend of Krampus away saving xmas for the naughty children of Central Europe.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Touring Xmas villages in Germany with Frank 🇩🇪 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ After my heroic defeat of evil Krampus (see entry #38) using the terrible drag pixies, the villages throughout Germany honor me in celebrations of joy, as Professor Frank gives me the dark & steamy nightlife tour of his homeland.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Admiring Paul’s statue of me on the Eendrachtsplein in Rotterdam 🇳🇱 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Los Angeles based based artist Paul McCarthy, born in Utah, is most famous for his public art sculptures throughout Europe. This statue, titled “Santa” was installed in 2001 to embody my “roly-poly patriarch with a beard—almost a godlike figure”.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Celebrating love with Frank & Søren in Denmark 🇩🇰 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Together for nearly 3 decades, this globe trotting couple enjoy a penchant for living by traveling, with an emphasis on Asia, where my Chief Elf and I often meet up for a cocktail or 10 in Shanghai or Bangkok or some other exotic locale during our downtime.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Visiting Godmummy & the Field Marshall at their Kent Millfield Castle in merry olde England 🇬🇧 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Lots of laughter and strong cocktails in old blighty with Godmother Elaine and her Field Marshall Pat, meeting their new puppy and exploring their castle rooms and gardens.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Reunion with Mark, Con & Warwick in London’s West End on the occasion of every theatre presenting BLOOD BROTHERS revivals 🇬🇧 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ These West End and Broadway legends Mark & Con shot & killed each other 8 times a week for years, monitored by Warwick in Willy Russell’s fabulous musical, yet magically these 3 are the most lovely (and smart) people and friends for nearly 3 decades. Their dedication to denouncing the idiocy of BREXIT, and for promulgation of commonsense based on scientific fact towards health protection is MBE worthy.Today, they honored me with their best impressions of me in theatreland and a COVID-19 safe street side sing-a-long as idiotic government derangement makes London frustratingly (and devastatingly) goes dark again tonight.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Devastating news as Peter’s latest masterpiece “THE 12 GAYS OF XMAS” in Leicester Square will be re-titled “THE FIRST GAYS OF SPRING” 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Chum for over 4 decades from down under, now prolific producer in London, knows perfectly how to throw a thrilling gala first night! However, lack of government leadership making chaotic decisions has pushed 12 GAYS and his fabbie panto “FROSTBITE: Who Pinched My Muff” into the abyss of bureaucratic black holes again tonight.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Pepping up Kenneth & Richard in Southampton, doing my best to convince them to still believe 🇬🇧 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ The charming creators of a new musical about another ancient icon have had a hard slog with a film investor that stole, a business that went belly-up, a major government bureaucratic change, a company that defrauded and most recently COVID-19. A challenging decade of unfortunate calamities, yet, Santa still believes, and despite recoiling in horror to cheap whiskey, is working the elves hard making quiet backroom progress, pixie by pixie.Just like the great ship in 1912, I’m leaving blighty now for North America, my PPE stocked up in the sleigh..❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ The chief elf family – O Canada! Our home and native land! 🇨🇦 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This season, cuddle your family a little closer. Hold them a little tighter. Cherish the memories and plan for more loving futures.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Quick glass of wine or 10 with a martini chaser with my favorite cocktail swilling winos in the great white north 🇨🇦 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ A lovely cuddle & giggle with the deliciously talented and most fabulous theatrical ladies of the great white north, martini Marianne and joyful Janine. 🍸🍷🍾🥂 #OnceTheOKeefeAlwaysTheOKeefe.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Upstate NY spot of gardening with Gaydon & Deb 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ When Broadway and Opera collide in a force for good and kindness! I swung into this Broadway/MET opera power couples NY apartment before realizing they were at their expansive farm upstate reliving an operatic version of Woodstock. Good thing too, finding parking for my sleigh in Manhattan was a nightmare.I had to magically remove the snowfall from the big blizzard of 2020 to get them out the door and give them a relaxing joyride in the sun.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Broadway, uh, no. Not yet 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Empty Times Square littered with 101 show billboards for my imaginations slightly weird 2020 shows.#SantaRant: USA leadership have been enacting crimes, almost daily, but nothing happens. All politics, on both sides, have become a sham in the USA. If the USA were a business, the board would be replaced, the CEO fired and so many would be in jail now, but it seems nobody has the guts to stand up to stupidity and terror.#SantaSolutions: Eliminate the electoral college in favor of 1 citizen 1 vote, hire a 10 year old with a MacBook to create a national voting database (similar to American Idol) to securely (and instantly) vote by ballot, web, phone etc., hold political leaders legally responsible for what they publicly say and do, make lobbying illegal, ban unqualified family hiring to tax payer funded positions, encourage wider field changes to the silly ‘either/or’ 2-party system, discourage social media sharing of memes in favor of personal opinion original texts, believe in science, understand that in this age of easy travel, the earth does not recognize hand drawn borders from thousands of years ago (but does recognize localized cultures), and last but not least, follow commonsense.
My 101 Broadway parodies:
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- Trial Run ~ Despite the issues in NYC, used my magical powers to turn back time to lovelier days for a lovely family 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This jolly old man wishes a very happy and lovely season of joy and kindness to the Friedmann family with continued compassion and love. Cuddle your family a little closer, hold them a little tighter, cherish the moments of joy.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Quick stop in Washington DC to observe a holiday miracle with Peter 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ The fabulous never-aging Peter (he is a modern day ‘Pan’) and I were able to scale the ‘people’s house’ 7 barricades & fences (but not get passed the barbed wire permitter) to observe the moving truck stealing the nations treasures to Florida as it’s current resident (hopefully) prepares for jail.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ South Carolina catchup with long-time friends Judith & Aldo 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Before South Carolina, I tried popping by Aldo’s NYC home — but he wasn’t home, he has no chimney, and he has installed a new fangled alarm system the elves could not break.So, then I went by his new Victoria Theatre under construction adjacent to his Apollo Theatre in Manhattan, again no luck.I then realized, he had escaped south…. Even some “red” states in the USA have fabulous pockets of sanity — including around Myrtle Beach, Charleston and Columbia. Locals on the island defying the majority proudly supporting and encouraging a return to commonsense and unity.
I phoned the elves using the latest technology from redneckland to say it’s safe inside some pockets of the red states.
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- Trial Run ~ Drinking to oblivion in Doug’s Palm Beach pied-à-terre laughing about (another) insanity of early communist pioneering 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Thankfully Doug’s little sanctuary is far enough away from Mar-a-Lago that the smells from the executor in chief’s illegal residence travel downwind. But being in this state (of denial) is freakishly weird — love a smattering of the residents here, but I feel like I’m wandering the halls of an insane asylum cum morgue.Alas my panoramic camera could only capture a wee portion of his front parlor, which sits above a most marvelous 2,000 sq ft frozen vodka cellar. But he still remains too cheap to light the candles for me.I’m just sad for him that on January 20th, his Palm Beach pied-à-terre real estate value is expected to plummet.
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- Trial Run (a) ~ the great state of Texas (sans their AG and a handful of idiots) with the great Betty on the great range with the great horses 🇺🇸🎅🏼²⁰²⁰Love and protect animals — Often, they need emotional support as much as we do. There is no evidence that viruses, including COVID-19, can spread to people from the skin, fur, or hair of animals.Animal lover, and the original Broadway Grizabella in CATS, making “Memory” a song to remember. Her uniquely distinctive voice and commanding stage presence make her one of the most in demand leading ladies globally.Wishing her a strong and fast recovery from her COVID-19 bout.
Betty Buckley sings “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”
Trial Run (b) ~ Texas is SO big. After the lovely morning with the horses, Betty (seemingly auditioning for Dr. Doolittle), suggested I show some joy to her menagerie inside. 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰
A film/tv star, and “The Voice of Broadway“, Betty Lynn is an advocate for those without a voice — as a lifetime hippophile / cynophile and ailurophile cowgirl at heart.
Betty Buckley sings everything:
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- Trial Run ~ a rare light dusting of snow in Sao Paulo, Brasil with José 🇧🇷 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ This multi-lingual kind and generous theatrical Producer, Director and Actor additionally commits his time to education of the next generation of South American talents, and would be my pick for first global arts ambassador to the U.N.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ a lovely few minutes on the private beach of Villa Maroc in Mexico with Peg 🇲🇽 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Alas, we stayed on her beach, since neither her elevator or chair lift to bypass the 888 steps up to her heavenly retreat were not working that day, and my tired fat belly was not going to make it. Sweet Peggles solution… cocktails on her private beach.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ a stroll in Tinseltown with Marty, the greatest showman 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Marty doesn’t have a fireplace, and has installed complicated “appalexa sirious” alarm system, so I could not visit him at home — instead, a quick visit at his theatre, where he had kindly organized a spectacular show in my honor, but alas was postponed due to current conditions – but the marquee looked fabulous!.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- #58 Trial Run ~ Catching a Xmas show in Salt Lake City with visionary producer Steve Boulay & fabulous family 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ After the spectacular showing that Marty put on in my honor at the Pantages in L.A., I must say, I was expecting a little more here — but it was lovely to have a quiet night with intelligent & lovely people..❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- #59 – Trial Run ~ Smoko with Ethan in Montana calmly & politely discussing differences of opinion 🇺🇸 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ We share a love of the theatre and life, but wildly differ on politics, but yet we can politely still love and respect each other. Isn’t this normal? If we all have hatred, we would live in our own bubble of nastiness. If we all agree to respect different viewpoints, then we can live in a happy kismet overflowing with baubles, bangles & beads..❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Jamming with Garth in his Grave Disorder band in Vancouver 🇨🇦 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Shameless plug and endorsement for his “Crunch Transparent Overdrive Pedal” and “Crunch Plus Overdrive” for bass & guitar — I have no idea what they do, but every famous guitarist seems to be extolling its virtues and clambering to get one. Consider this as a fabbie gift for the musicians in your life.
https://www.McGregorPedals.comI so admire Garth for creating something great in the chaos of 2020.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Trial Run ~ Forrest showing me his new digs in Alaska, after 90°N, possibly the safest place on earth. 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Once Broadway’s head tramp, Forrest, aka trumposaurus, treks the world since 2005 with his trusty trampy dino while sipping Piña Coladas, recently settled in the massively great very white very north Alaska.His digs were not really big enough for the both of us, so I made my apologies and set off for my own bed at 90°N❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Arrived safely back at 90°N, Prancer, Rudy and I are exhausted. Cupid, Dasher & Blixen seem ready and raring to go again. 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Short relax time for them…. I have to host the elves and staff annual thank-you party in a few hours, then pack the sleigh to set off Friday.In the past weeks trial run, I traveled 101,182.32 km (62,871.71 miles), 6 continents, 30 cities, encountering 5 unexplained mysterious monoliths, 5 drag pixies, 1 roguish chief elf, a horse ride, a flying car, scuba diving & beach tanning moments, yard work, full & empty theatres, thrilling shows, barbed wire lunatic compound, an igloo, a royal throne, drone shows, Riff Raff, swimming, stone elephants spitting, a tree made of wine, African safari, rock bands, inflight musical movie with rainbows of sequins, massive vodka cellar along with copious bottles of fake scotch, plus 44 friends local condition reports has proven to me that despite the difficulties our tiny world is facing,Santa can, and WILL, perform his duties this weekend. “and this is 2020”Special love & thanks for hosting this old jolly fat man this season…. Kristian, Claire, Tim, Paul, Gregory, Kristin, David, Andy, JC, Shocann, DJ, Sinon, PuChong, Hamdy, Frank, Frank & Soren, Elaine, Mark, Con, Warwick, Peter, Kenneth, Richard, Mikayla, Stella, Juliet, Marianne, Janine, Gaydon & Deb, Joyce, Peter, Aldo, Judith, Doug, Betty, Jose, Peg, Martin, Steve, Liz & Tom, Ethan, Garth & Forrest.
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- Staff Party – woo hoo! 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Chief Elf DJ sure knows how to throw a party. Flashbacks of my BEAT club I created in Brisbane in the early ’80’s.I’ve got a feeling I’m not going to remember much…❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Staff Party – a little hung though 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Chief Elf DJ sure knows how to staff a party. Like a scene from The Prom, the colorful venue was warm but the bartenders were hot blowing snow.I may be delayed on my next diary entry for reasons obvious to those that know me well….❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Ganging the Reindeer at 90°N 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Oh bright new day, I feel great after a lovely night in bed. The reindeer are ready and raring to go…I’m almost at the same excitement level as them, but my elves & staff are nowhere to be found, presumably they have sugar plumbs frolicking in their drunken tiny heads.I hope they wake in time to help load the 763 million toys onto my trusty, near vintage sleigh.
After 197 years, my reindeer each prefer gender pronouns of they, them or their. Santa’s reindeer do not shed antlers by mid December, since to them, December is year round. On their 90°N employment forms, only Vixen & Donner listed they were born female. Rudy, Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid & Blitzen list male (trust me, seeing Dancer in tights is a sight to behold). Prancer lists sparkly fairy dust. All this said, my reindeer originated the birth of drag – since they drag me around the world, the drag reference stuck, so let’s consider them collectively as “them dear drag deer”.
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- A hard day’s work is never done 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ With the drunken elves STILL sleeping, lazy temp staff and budget cuts (see entry #14), moving 763 million toys from workshop to my sleigh is hard yakka.I got one temp staffer out of bed to help, but he was not very fit, and could only manage a few stuffed bears at a time. Not much help, so a Santa’s gotta do, what a Santa’s gotta do. #ThinkOfTheKiddies.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Sleigh loaded (with no hat tip to my tottering dizzy-eyed giglet of elves), my bells are cold yet jingling, ‘them dear drag deer’ ganged, harnessed and eager to go… 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰About to set off on my annual vortex of a trip – first up, and Rudy’s GPS-like red nose set for the stunning South Pacific.Wish me luck on my sparkly traipse through the shadow of night!
https://tobysimkin.com/christmas/…❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- First up.. Ho, Ho, Ho from Tonga, Samoa and (part of) Kiribati 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Gotta love these time zones on our round little earth that gives me so much extra time to deliver.Ho, Ho, Ho and To All a Good Night❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- G’day & Ho, Ho, Ho from Down Under 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ The sleigh and ‘them dear drag deer’ are anchored in Botany Bay enjoying a little rest amongst the sharks as the lifesavers bring me ashore on Bondi Beach.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Ni Hao & 圣诞节快乐! from Shanghai with Elf on the spit with hotpot 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Sneaking in a traditional shèngdàn lǎorén (Santa) Hot Pot with slow roasted elf on a spit at my Chief Elf DJ’s home with small gaggle of joyful friends.圣诞节快乐! Shèngdàn kuàilè!❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Happy Birthday to special friends 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Entangled in the time zones of Xmas, I do not forget the special birthdays of Jack Chen, Bryan La, Lyall Ramsden, Tim Fisher, Robert Angelo, Jack Huang all to whom I wish an especially happy time of merriment
❤️🥳🍾🎂🎁🎈🎉📣.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Deliveries in Progress 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ I’m sprung stealing a Tsingtao beer by Baby DJ.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Joy for some 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Spreading my jubilation far and wide… Every continent, young and old, every city, one and all.Wishing all a Merry Jovial Cheerful Happy Joyful day
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- Merry Jovial Cheerful Happy Joyful Love 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ I wish you a merry, happy Xmas with a healthy & Happy New Year of uniting with love.
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- Exhaustion 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ Santa, also known as Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, Old Man Xmas or Santa Claus is exhausted, dog-tired, bone- weary, depleted, fatigued, drained, worn out and both emotionally and financially bankrupt. I need to recharge.
https://tobysimkin.com/santa-origins/❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Repeating my annual wish for peace on earth 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ But a pony for every child on earth may be easier.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎
- Sleep time, see you next year, maybe. 🎅🏼²⁰²⁰ May 2021 flip 2020 on its head.❄︎ ❅ ❅ ❆⛄️❆ ❅ ❅ ❄︎